It can never be me #3

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

This is the third and last part of the It Can Never Be Me! series, you can find the first part here and the second part here

                            ****

Whoever came up with the saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach was really on to something because, despite being the sole occupant of my heart, Vanessa may have to make room for her mother — I dare say that I had never in my life had such a good meal.

You wouldn’t blame me, as endless nights spent ravenously devouring copious amounts of instant noodles tend to do that to a bachelor but that was far from my reality for that day — I was eating good.

“My daughter tells me you were raised by your grandmother, after your parents passed, and that you were just eight years old, how terribly sad? I’m really sorry to hear that,” Her father said, between gulps of freshly squeezed orange juice.

“Oh yes sir, thank you very much”, I nodded.

“It’s such a tragedy,” he went on softly, almost whispering. “losing your parents at such a young age in that car accident, and worse, with you in the backseat. She’s done a wonderful job raising you to become such a fine young man”.

“Yeah, she’s responsible for the man I am today, she’s always been there for me and I owe her my life” I answered, faking a smile to mask the pain that those memories still brought.

Well, that story wasn’t entirely true — albeit, to be honest, it wasn’t downright a fabrication.

My parents — they did die, but not in any car crash and certainly not with me in any backseat. It was just an easier story to tell, it was sensational and afforded me sympathy, a perfect facade, a smokescreen that helped me obscure the bitter and unpleasant truth.

The truth being that people would not have the stomach to learn that I loved playing with fire as a kid (I still do, by the way) and this culminated in a house fire that killed my parents and damn near killed me as well.

I was a hair’s breadth away from death but was rescued and pulled out of the flames. My parents on the other hand weren’t so lucky as their heroic effort to shield me from the fire was what led to their untimely demise.

It is a day I will never forget as I was reborn in the flame and came out a different person. I left with a parting gift, in the form of a burn on my left elbow hence the big itchy scar that has marked and marred me for life.

This, however, is not the kind of story you tell at dinner, or anywhere for that matter, or to anyone not even the woman you love.

                            ****

Saturdays were usually work-free for me, but I occasionally received a few infrequent work calls, mostly involving a colleague trying to get clarification about a work-related issue.

For most of the evening, I had been dodging my colleague’s calls as I didn’t want to come off as rude to my hosts, but the calls were becoming quite incessant and I had no choice but to grudgingly answer.

I graciously thanked them for the very sumptuous meal and asked to be excused from the dinner table as there was a work call I needed to quickly sort out, placed a peck on my fiance’s cheeks, and stepped out to the garden to afford myself some privacy.

Sitting cross-legged on a bench, I decided to go through my emails to get some idea of why I was being disturbed on a weekend. Before I could even unlock my phone, something caught my eye.

There it was, sitting majestically and glowing red, a 10-liter petrol jerrycan which I assumed was for their backup generator. It felt as though it was speaking to me — calling danger, or perhaps daring me to come closer, I couldn’t decide which it was.

I felt myself being drawn to it, so I moved closer and nudged against it with my foot, feeling the weight and ascertaining that its contents were indeed fuel.

My heart skipped, and I salivated at the mere thought of it, endless possibilities that had my stomach fluttering like a schoolgirl receiving love notes from her boy crush.

This was not an ordinary coincidence, it was divine providence at its finest. This was Prometheus giving me the keys to his kingdom — affordable me the tools to produce something genuinely amazing, a work of art if you will.

“Sweetheart, come in quickly, We’re about to have my mom’s signature velvet cake”, Vanessa called out, her silky smooth voice jolting me back to reality.

I then realized I hadn’t even attempted the phone call and before I could say Jack, she galloped down the stairs, with her long hair flowing in the wind, and pulled me back into the house.

                            ****

I couldn’t take my mind off that jerrycan. I pictured myself swimming in its contents. I felt so uneasy, my stomach churning loudly, and pools of sweat were forming on my forehead, despite the AC being on. My mind was racing and it all felt like I was about to explode.

Collapse on the floor right in front of everyone, run outside and soak myself in the petrol, or scratch my scar until it was bleeding, I didn’t know which to do first.

“My dear, are you alright?” Vanessa’s mother asked, worried and filled with concern. “You seem quite ill. Get him some cold water, Vanessa”.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Vanessa pulled me closer and patted the perspiration from my brow. “My God, you’re burning up!”

“Where is the cold water? Her father angrily asked, “Get him the damn water!” while everyone looked on shocked by the whole thing. “My son, try to calm down — you’re shaking”.

Everyone was talking at the same time, trying to make sense of what was happening. I didn’t blame them really, who would expect something like this? even I found it to be quite the spectacle.

“Who was that on the phone? was it your manager? Is everything alright at work? Are you going to lose your job?” Vanessa questioned, I hated to see her worried.

At this point, I was nearly unconscious, just barely keeping my eyes open. The only thing I craved at that moment was silence, utter silence, and all I could think was, will everyone just shut the fuck up!.

In an instant, an eerie silence swept across the room like they all saw an apparition that left everyone stunned, it then dawned on me that I didn’t only think it, I had also screamed it out loud.

“What did you just say to me?” Vanessa’s dad fumed, advancing towards me with folded fists, ready to take a swing at me.

“Sit down, old man,” I growled, without even thinking. I punched through the air, missing his chin by a whisker and brushing his shoulder, sending him crashing into the dining chairs.

Vanessa screamed, “Oh my God, what’s wrong with you?” running to her father, trying to help him off the floor.

“Jesus Christ! What have you brought into my home?” her mother cried in horror, her eyes wide and glistening with tears. “Who is this man?”

“Shut up!”

“Shut up, all of you! Be quiet!”

I didn’t even recognize my own voice as it was all shades of cold, scary, and unforgiving. I sounded possessed. It wasn’t me anymore — something darker had taken control. My demons were in control now, and fighting them was the last thing on my mind.

Pacing back and forth as they stared at me in shock, too scared to move closer. I tried to explain to them, at least save them from the utter confusion but I just couldn’t find the right words.

“I need you all to understand. Just trust me, and be quiet, you all just don’t understand, just be quiet”

And finally, they were silent as if trying to give me some audience. But in my head, the noise only grew louder like if a radio static did a duet with white noise. It felt like I was standing in the middle of a chaotic, bustling stadium packed up to the brim.

“Shut up!” I screamed at the noise inside me.

“Shut up!”

“Shut uuuupppp!”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed the petrol and I needed it now. Mindlessly, I dashed outside, moving with lightning speed, grabbed the jerrycan, and stormed back inside, filled with an uncontrollable urge to perform the one thing I had in mind — to create art.

The mere sight of the bright red jerrycan and me brandishing my red lighter led them to a realization of the destruction I was about to unleash and resulted in more tumultuous and hysterical crying.

“Please my son, don’t do this, whatever you want we can talk about it,” Vanessa’s father tried to reason with me.

“Sit down”, I thundered, dragging him forward and forcing him onto the sofa. “In fact, gather around everybody and sit down”.

I was at the most efficient I had ever been, with razor-sharp reflexes that were quicker than that of an alley cat, it felt as though I had the strength of five men with as many hands as an octopus.

I yanked everyone around with just one hand while holding the lighter and jerrycan with the other.

In all this, my fiance was speechless and calm as still water, the shock was probably too much to bear, the man she had loved for a little over five months was a psychopath, and a realization of their impending doom.

At that moment, I felt the most love I had ever felt for her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman — in the afterlife and this was my way to cement this resolve by taking us all there as one big family.

“I love you so much sweetheart, I love all of you so much, but I really have to do this, I have no choice,” I said while unscrewing the jerrycan cap, “I’m deeply sorry but there’s no time to explain it as you all won’t understand”

At this point, I couldn’t control the flood of tears dripping down my eyes while pouring the petrol by the four corners of the room, advancing slowly to the center of the room and a little distance from the sofa where they were all sitting.

It was pretty obvious at this point what their fate was and they all in unison were crying out hysterically for help from the neighbors.

“Help!” “Help!” “Help!”

“Somebody help”

“Help us!” screamed Vanessa as she sprang up towards the window calling frantically at the neighbors to come to their aid.

I grabbed her from the window and pushed her back to the sofa, restraining her with a USB cord as her parents watched helplessly, crying and pleading for their lives.

This needed to be done as there was no other choice. Just as gold is tested through fire, whoever survived will come out changed and transformed as I have.

Now for the glorious moment, I flicked the lighter and threw it at the furthest part of the room and watched the flame lick the trail of petrol and advanced steadily towards the center of the room.

Captivated by the spectacle, I watched the flames with a sense of immense pride and achievement as they crept between furniture, leaving behind a trail of smoke, and soot and had everyone coughing uncontrollably.

In an instant, I heard a loud bang that broke through the chaos, and before I could react, everywhere became as quiet as a graveyard, everything stood still and the entire scenery was suddenly shrouded in pitch-black darkness. Was it the smoke that had finally gotten to my lungs? or maybe the intensity and exhaustion from the excess adrenaline from being hyperactive all evening?

Whatever it was, I accepted it wholeheartedly. I had never been so at peace, the calm I felt was indescribable and I didn’t want it to cease.

The utter darkness finally gave room for light and when I came to my senses, I found myself in handcuffs, surrounded by staring eyes, loud sirens, and reflective jackets from firemen splashing water from a firetruck onto the burning building.

“No no no no no” I screamed almost inaudibly, “you’ve ruined it all, you’ve ruined everything”.

“You don’t understand, this is not how it was supposed to be, you’ve ruined everything” I cried.

I tried to search for my fiance and her family as I scanned through the compound with my eyes but couldn’t catch a glimpse of them. I struggled to stand up to go search but was struck down by a police baton delivering immense pain to my legs.

                            ****

I’ve been locked in this police cell for the past two days without food or water, and there’s been no update on Vanessa and her family.

Are they dead? Did they escape the fire? Are they alive?

I was desperate for answers and none of the officers would even talk to me. The pain of not knowing was unbearable, unlike anything I had ever experienced.

I did, however, overhear the officers talking amongst themselves. They mentioned that a neighbor had broken into the house through the door I’d forgotten to lock and knocked me out with a stick. That explained why I had blacked out for so long.

I always considered myself an upstanding citizen — someone who followed the law to the letter and had nothing but disdain for criminals and lawbreakers. I never thought I would ever be caught on the wrong side of the law as I always believed in doing what was right, all the time.

Life happens.

One moment, I was a successful man on the verge of marrying the love of my life — the most beautiful woman in the world. The next, I’m locked up in a cell, surrounded by common, filthy, disgusting criminals.

So, my dear friend, never say it can never be you, if it happened to me, it can happen to you.